Blamehouse Productions Releases New Horror Movie

 

Dunham Picks New Walter Twin

 Getyourhandouttamybutt, Minnehaha - Ventriliquist Jeff Dunham announced on Sunday that he is updating his act with the addition of Walter's twin brother. "It was time," Dunham told reporters. "You never want to get stale with your fans."

The new addition, TimmyTampon or as Dunham calls him, "Ol' Woodhead" is sure to be a treat for audiences worldwide. 

Reporters asked Walter what he thought of adding his twin to the show.

"He may look retarded and he may act retarded," Walter said with his trademark frown. "But don't let that fool you, he is retarded."

                                            

The Governmint Copyright 2026 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law

Walz Announces New 'Get Tough on Fraud' Team

 Ice, Minnehaha - Governor Tim Walz speaking at the Quality Learing Center this morning announced his new hand selected, "Let's Get Tough on Fraud" team. 

"Any person bilking Minnesota out of Federally received funds will now be subject to a pie in the face or being hit over the head with a fluffy pillow," Walz said while continually honking an oversized bicycle horn.

The Governmint Copyright 2026 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law

 

DOJ Releases Final Epstein Documents

 1/1/26 Wishington, AC/DC - The DOJ has released the final trove of Epstein files on Thursday. The department worked overtime sorting through a million files according to spokes/heperson/sheperson/itperson, Robert Sully. And it appears their work has produced a blockbuster photo.

"It is the only image out of a million files that did not have Bill Clinton in the picture," Sully said. "It is of an unidentified woman and we are asking the public to help us identify her."

                                                         Unidentified Woman in Epstein Files

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Walz Announces New Restaurant in Little Somalia

 Dec 11, 2025 - Minnehaha, Mn. Gov. Tim Walz announced this morning that due to an unexpected financial windfall, both he and Rep. Omar were opening the first in a chain of restaurants featuring the cuisine of Somalia. The eatery, Blacker Barrel, would feature favorites like Bariis Iskukaris and Canjeero. Walz encouraged all Minnesotians to drop in. 

Rep. Omar told the crowd of two if diners put their children's names in the restaurant database, the family would receive free soft drinks during the meal.

Walz's remarks also focused on expansion with the Governor elaborating that very soon laundromats would be built next door to all of the restaurants. "It will be a place where folks can go and clean things that need to be cleaned while they are enjoying a nice meal," Walz added with a wink.

The Governmint Copyright 2025 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law

J. Mack Whitley's School of Polytics

 

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 New Somalia, Minnehawhaw, US - Ilhan Omar leader of PUSI (Peoples Union of Somalia Idiots) declared today that their union would start a general strike against the NFL if Christian McCaffrey did not change his name to Muslim McCaffery.

 "PUSI will not tolerate white Christian nationalists insulting the Somalia voters of Minnehawhaw with racist chants of Christian, Christian, Go Christian! every Sunday afternoon," Omar told a crowd of three gathered outside of a Kwik Trip Inconvenience store. "As Jeff Lebowski once said, This Will Not Stand!"

Unnamed sources have told The Governmint Editor, Hughes Fulking, that the NFL considers Omar to be the dumbest person in America.

     

The Governmint Copyright 2025 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law

 

 MamaMia, Fl - In a tersely worded message sent to the National Hurricane Center as well as NOAA, Hurricane spokesperson Jerry announced on Sunday morning that all Atlantic storms were being advised to steer clear of the U.S. coastline. 

"The country has become too violent for our upcoming storms to attempt landfall. Too many guns and crazies," Jerry said. "I certainly don't want to put any of my fellow hurricanes in harm's way. This includes future hurricanes Karen, Lorenzo Melissa, Nestor, and Olga.

The Governmint Copyright 2025 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law

Jasmine Crockett Responds to D4vd Charges

 Mars, Tx - Representative Jasmine Crockett (aka Temu Tiffany Henyard) told a crowd of homeless people in her hometown of Mars, Texas that just because the remains of some random 15 year old girl were found in the trunk of D4vd's car does not make him a criminal.

"Maybe he had gone in a store to buy diapers," Crockett explained. "And forgot about her. That's just not criminal. And anyone who says different is a white supremacist."

One of the homeless persons hollered at Crockett. "Just cause you passed the bar, doesn't make you a lawyer!"

While another shouted, "Just cause you got elected to Congress, doesn't make you intelligent!"

Crockett immediately got into her car and drove away shouting out the window, "Fuck you white supremacists!"

The Governmint Copyright 2025 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law

Jemele Hill Film Opens Friday

 Extension, Arkansas - Jemele Hill's new film opens Friday at select theaters across Mound, Louisiana. (Pop. 12) The film's producers expect upwards of 2 people to attend the premier.

Critics alike give the film 5 Bad Apples. 

"This is scary stuff," said Golden State Killer, Joseph DeAngelo.

The Governmint Copyright 2025 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law

Van Jones Book Tour Date Announced

 Race City, Ga - CNN Commentator Van Jones announced his upcoming book tour date this morning on the Thrifty Nickel Morning Show with host Mo Ketchups.

 Jones said this book was a long time coming and hoped it would put him in the running for the Nobell Piece Pie. 

The book, Hitler Wasn't a Bad Guy. He was Just Hurting. Hurting Bad, is the Thrifty Nickel Book of the Minute which is sponsored every sixty seconds by Gabor's Gas Station Heroin. The book tour is scheduled to begin and end on November 1, 2025 in Bozo, Georgia.

Also Happening Now: MACI begins fall distribution of AK47's to Students 14 and Older. MACI's (Mothers Against Congressional Idiots) annual program is back this fall with the Mission Statement: Every Child Deserves the Right of Self-Protection.

The Governmint Copyright 2025 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law

 

Newsom Throws Hat in Ring for Presidential Bid

 Hair-Gel, Ca - California Governor Newsom bought table space at the Sacramento Swap Meet Saturday morning to announce his bid to become the Democratic nominee for President. Speaking to a crowd of five, Newsom displayed an assortment of marketing tools to promote his candidacy. The most notable being a red cap displaying the logo: "Make America Grovel Again"

Newsom informed the non-crowd around his table that his team had spent over a million dollars and endless time with focus groups to finally decide on the new logo. "It just goes to show, what you can do when you are spending other people's money," The Governor beamed.

Newsom also spent time asking passerby's who they would vote for. No matter the age, culture, or gender, the answer was always the same. "Get outta my fuckin' face."

Newsom's canned response was always the same. "I wish I 'Newsom' body."

This page is sponsored by the Get Governor Newsom the hell out of California Committee

The Governmint Copyright 2025 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law

Representative Crockett Fights Texas JerryMathering

 (Temu-Tiffany Henyard Tx.) Representative Jasmine Crockett (AKA- Temu Tiffany Henyard), spoke in the parking lot of an AM/PM convenience store to a crowd of one this morning. (The crowd of one was a woman filling her car with gas) Crockett pledged to fight Governor Abbott's JerryMathering legislation.

"It's gerrymandering," The gas purchaser said.

"I don't need some white woman telling me about JerryMathering!" Crockett screamed. "And I will not rest, nor be quiet, until Governor ShitKicker backs away from this racist legislation of JerryMathering. Beaver was a long time ago and I will not allow for our voting districts to be subjected to yet again one more example of white privilege."

"How is that white privilege?" the gas purchaser asked.

"Shut-up, bitch!" the representative shouted back. "Nobody's talking to you!"

As the gas purchaser fled the scene, Representative Crockett screamed out, "What's next ya'll, TonyDowism?"

                                              JerryMathering

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Pope Leo XIV Declares First Miracle

Chicago, Ill of Noise - Pope Leo XIV visited his home town of Chicago over the weekend in order to declare his first miracle. Speaking to a homeless crowd at the "Chocolate Factory" beneath the underpass at Desplaines and Hubbard, the Pope declared, "It is a miracle that I am Pope!"

The factory residents greeted the new Pope warmly with shouts of, "Git the fuck outta here" and "It'd be a miracle if I had somethin to eat".

After blessing all the tents, Pope Leo XIV, got into a stretch limo and drove back to O'Hare International Airport. He later recounted on his visit to the Chocolate Factory, "What a lovely bunch of people."

                                      

The Governmint Copyright 2025 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law.

 Photo: Tyrone Madera, Wikimedia Commons

Pierre Speaks on Pope Francis

 Washington AC / DC - Former White House Press Secretary, Karine Jean-Pierre spoke to the Thrifty Nickel Today TV Program about Pope Francis. Pierre told Today TV host, Russell Mackrelbritches that Pope Francis had more energy and stamina in any Catholic leader she had ever witnessed.

"He literally is running circles around everyone in the Vatican," Pierre remarked. "And that includes the Conclave."

Pierre got defensive when reminded by host, Mackrelbritches that the Pope had indeed died days earlier.

"Oh, Russell," she sighed in obvious exasperation, "You must be a Republican for refusing to acknowledge the contributions this Pope makes everyday to hard-working people."

Mackrelbritches countered with, "He's dead, Karine. Gone on. Deceased. Ceased to exist."

"All I will say on this matter," Pierre continued, "Is that this Pope has incredible stamina. I know personally that the Vatican staff has a hard time keeping up with him."

                                        Pope Francis at the Vatican Today

Also happening now: Jean-Pierre Marvels at Jimmy Carter's Mental Acuity and Health.

The Governmint Copyright 2025 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law.

Cheney's Extend Olive Branch to President Elect Trump

 Heilelujah, WY. - In a rare display of reconciliation, Liz Cheney and her father, Dick Cheney have extended an olive branch to President Elect, Donald Trump. Dick Cheney speaking to the counter person at Buckhorn Liquors stated, "It's time for us good Republicans to stand on our convictions and come together for the sake of the country."

Later, daughter Liz told the Lost Springs Thrifty Nickel that her Dad had invited President-Elect Trump to come to Wyoming where the two men could bond while bird-hunting. "My dad can't wait for the President-Elect to show his face."

The Governmint Copyright 2024 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law

Hamas Leader Killed

 

Nuff Said

Hezbollah Announces Job Fair Dates

 Hidinout, Lebanon - Hezbollah spokesperson, Wadawe Du Nowi, posted in the Beirut Thrifty Nickel on Thursday the upcoming dates for the group's job fair. Du Nowi, dressed head to toe in Kevlar, said the job fair would begin interviews on Friday October 11 at 9am Lebanon time.

"We have current openings for a number of positions," said Du Nowi. "And there is much room for advancement currently."

The jobs listed on the group's ad include:

Leader

Leader Replacement

Leader Replacement Replacement

Leader Replacement Replacement Replacement

Bomb Catcher

                                                 

    Breaking Now: Hezbollah Announces Spokesperson Opening 

The Governmint Copyright 2024 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law

Research Scientists Find New DNA Mutation

 DNA Hindquarters, Washington DC: Research scientists at the National Hindquarters for DNA, RNA, and MSNBC Research announced Friday that they have isolated a new mutation in the American chromosome. 

Researchers told the Thrifty Nickel Dallas that over the past ten years the Original Karen chromosome found solely in white women has mutated into the newly named Whoa-man gene. 

Spokesman Robert Saltypants said the mutation was first discovered in the DNA of Margaret Brennan. “Brennan exhibits the ability to require a man to agree to any terms she dictates, then when she breaks those terms, the man is not allowed to protest or she will claim misogyny or mansplaining. This obsoletes all previous Karen behavior," Saltypants said, then added, "It won't be long before Brennan moves into the 'I can talk to you in any tone I want, but you must speak to me in a tone that I demand' stage. 

"These are exciting times," Saltypants remarked.

Also happening now: Nora O'Donnell exhibiting same mutation as Brennan

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Breaking News: White House on Fire

 Washington D.C. - July 24, 2024. Late Tuesday, minutes before addressing the nation, President Biden tripped and dropped the torch he meant to pass to Vice-President Kamala Harris. The torch sparked onto curtains in the Oval Office setting the White House on fire. Biden reportedly told his aides that everything would be okay as he finally had defeated Medicare and had requested a fire response team from President Putin.

                 Also happening now: Trump tells reporters: "Who couldn't love a guy whose last name ends in Yahoo!

The Governmint Copyright 2024 All Rights Reserved The Governmint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law