FBI Chief, Robert Mueller, briefed top lawmakers in Washington today on the future threat of suicide bombers to the U.S. Mueller quoted latest FBI studies that predict a sharp drop in bombing activity over the next decade.
"It appears," Mueller said, "that there is a growing shortage of virgins in heaven right now. All of our intelligence indicates that bombers awaiting missions today are only being guaranteed 36 virgins . . . well below the previously high promise of 72 virgins."
Mueller went on to say, "Using all of our resource intel, we can predict with 99% accuaracy that the best deal a prospective bomber might obtain in today's market climate is 36 virgins, 10 women who allowed a boyfriend to reach second-base, and a year's subscription to Netflix for surviving family members."
Mueller went on to say, "Using all of our resource intel, we can predict with 99% accuaracy that the best deal a prospective bomber might obtain in today's market climate is 36 virgins, 10 women who allowed a boyfriend to reach second-base, and a year's subscription to Netflix for surviving family members."
Senate Majority leader, Harry Reid, (D) Nevada, praised Mueller and his staff for providing such a thorough and exhaustive piece of intelligence professing, "I am sure I speak for all Americans when I say that this is a great win for the U.S. and a huge loss for potential terrorists. After all a Netflix subscription only costs about 10 dollars."
Also Happening Now . . .
Illiteracy Group Calls for AIG Execs to Return Buses. Read it at The Daily Beast
The Rachel Maddow Show changed to Olbermann Lite. Read it at MSN
The Govern Mint Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved. The Govern_Mint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law.
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