Washington, D.C. - The Dallas Morning Snooze announced Thursday that Representative Debbie Wasserman-Schultz has signed a six figure contract with predator control company, Var-moose. Var-moose, which has manufacturing facilities in Monterrey, Mexico produces audio recordings that lure predators such as coyotes toward the calling device, where they can then be killed.
Var-moose spokesman, Abner Drunkenbritches, said, "Her voice operates at a frequency similar to a dying rabbit or a rodent in distress." Early tests by Var-moose showed that Wasserman-Schultz's voice produce a 100% call-in and extermination rate. "It's irritating to the human ear, but, gosh darn-it, the varmits love it," Drunkenbritches added.
Wasserman-Schultz tried to released a statement on the deal, but once she began speaking, the press pool was overrun by several coyotes, four badgers, a hundred field mice, and one vulture.
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The Govern Mint Copyright 2012 All Rights Reserved The Govern_Mint is a political satire publication. Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence excepting for references to certain political figures and their wives and families, and sometimes a brother-in-law.
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