Speaker Boehner Fires Back at Critics

(Somewhere in Ohio) Reacting to Democratic Leadership criticism that Republicans were derelict in their duty to lead, an angry House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) defended the House Schedule on Friday, citing a hectic series of Republican votes that included repealing the Affordable Health Care Act 33 times during 2012 - as well as taking a leadership role in wresting the title of "Do Nothing Congress" from the 80th Congress of the United States.

"Look, I don't know what the President or House Democrats are doing, but I can assure the American people that House Republicans are up at the crack of noon, eight days a month working and working hard for them." Boehner told his secret service bodyguard (See Photo).

Later, when pressed by a local reporter on how the speaker feels that in the Americas only Hugo Chavez has a lower favorability rating than House Republicans, Boehner winked and said, "We'll get there. I'm fairly confident that with a little luck and another couple of Obama-Care Repeals we just might overtake Mr. Chavez by Thanksgiving."

Also Happening Now: House Minority Leader Pelosi rumored to have landed lead role of Leatherface in latest Texas Chainsaw Massacre film. Pelosi refuses comment and remains tight-lipped about the entire matter.


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