Obama Delivers Powerful Proportional Response to Russian Hacking

Washington D.C. - Josh Earnest spoke to a hastily gathered crowd outside of the Dollar Tree in Washington D.C. early Wednesday morning.

Earnest told the assembled group of four shoppers returning Columbus Day goods, that IOTUS (Intern of the United States) Obama had spent a good deal of time carefully weighing a “proportional” response to Russia’s efforts to interfere with this fall’s election campaign through hacking.

"I am proud to report that as of 8 a.m. Russia time, IOTUS Obama, has officially unfriended Vladimir V. Putin from his World Leader's Twitter page."

One shopper, Anita Job, asked Earnest, what that meant for the American people.

"Well, I think it's pretty obvious that President Putin will no longer be able to post on the IOTUS's page," Earnest replied. "And the National Security team agrees with the IOTUS's assessment that this is going to cause the Russian leader some real mental distress."

Earnest ended the press conference by telling the already dispersing crowd, "That this was just one more example of the IOTUS leading from near the back, not necessarily from behind, but a good distance from the front, maybe a little back from the middle."

Also happening now...WH reveals IOTUS's twitter handle is @_OBOMBA

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