EPA Releases 2016 Greenhouse Gas Emissions Report

Flatulence, Ma - The EPA on Wednesday released its 2016 Greenhouse Gas Emission Report. Agency spokesperson, Nate Carbon, told the Massachusetts Thrifty Nickel that the agency recorded a considerable spike in emissions during the last half of 2016.

"It appears that over 40% of 2016 emissions emanated from Elizabeth Warren," Carbon told the Nickel. "As of today, the agency will seek a gag order from the courts to force the Massachusetts senator from opening her mouth in public."

Scientist studying the Warren phenomena say a deadly mix of profound ignorance and stomach gas are producing carbon outputs that when allowed into the atmosphere produce greenhouse emissions four times deadlier than those from one dairy cow.

"We hope," Carbon concluded, "That the senator will listen to the courts and shut the heck up, if not for the good of the American people,then maybe for the good of the artic fox, and possibly a polar bear or two."

Also Happening Now: Doctor Relates That Harry Reid Actually Died in 1990.

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