Tuesday, April 2, 2019

FBI Releases Sketch of Notorious Kissing Bandit

(Free Love, Indiana) The FBI released the latest eye-witness sketch of the Nation's notorious kissing bandit. The Bureau indicated that the three decade-old case might finally be coming to an end with their latest sketch. The public is advised that the suspect freely kisses, rubs noses with, and enjoys massaging his victim's shoulders. Lead investigator, Aaron Goodall, told the Indiana Thrifty-Nickel, that the suspect is likely deranged and might believe he still lives in Haight-Ashbury during the 60's. Victims claimed the man often whispers names during his predatory strikes. Examples include Joe-Bob, Joe-Daddy, and Cuppa-Joe. Anyone seeing the suspect is encouraged to call the FBI immediately.

                                                                        FBI Suspect Sketch

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Elizabeth Warren declares campaign has grown too large and vows to break it up into three smaller campaigns.

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